Pawed by ThereIWas

Dearest Hollies/llexxell/purple raindrop/whatever your name is,

You are a real piece of work sugar. It took me an entire week to pick out that tie. Surely you remember the tie ? The one you blew my Twitter feed up with comments about how ugly it was ? My Mee Maw picked that out for me…. feel bad yet ? It gets worse. I was planning on asking a fine young ma….woman on a date wearing that tie, but your comments threw me off my usually stellar game.

Alexa recently stopped waking me up with “Good Morning you sexy beast.” I know you hacked into my Alexa Holly, I know it was you. You will pay for that in the year 2067, trust me, I know a guy.

I find it interesting that your hatred for me runs rampant, however when I launched my Todd Action Figure line, the only purchase came from, you guessed it, San Luis Obispo, California. I appreciate your $19.99 angel, it helped me buy half of my lunch that day.

Here’s a poll for you. 100 out of 100 Todd’s think you are a real jerk. That’s right baby, you are the cold, un-buttered bun at the bottom of the bun barrel. As detailed in my book, The Guide to Making America Great Again, I propose that you go suck eggs.

I am outraged, appalled, offended, and triggered.

Todd Out