Imagined by Venman
The 10 foot, solid oak dining table was set. In the center, the remains of a 12 lb deep fried Turkey. Empty ceramic dishes with the remnants of mashed potatoes, creamed corn and green bean casserole littered the table along with two empty pumpkin pie tins. Only a few buttered buns, long since cooled, remained. Todd, downing the last of his sweet tea, let out a satisfied groan as he forcefully slammed the glass back on the table, ice cubes clanking together. “Well, my dear? Shall we retire?” Without waiting for an answer, Todd scooted his chair back from the table and with labored groan, stood for the first time in nearly 2 hours. Across the table, Paula Dean daintily used her cloth napkin to clean the corners of her mouth as Todd lumbered across the dining room floor to where she was sitting. Always the consummate gentleman, Todd pulled back Paula’s chair and extended his hand. With a glimmer in her eye, Paula gracefully placed her hand in Todd’s as the made their way to the stairs.
Todd glanced back towards the dining room, surveying the carnage and destruction left on the table from their five-course meal. “Should we straighten up a little first?” he asked.
Paula, un-phased by his question, continued making her way towards the banister. “That’s what the help is for, my dear.”
Quickly realizing how silly his concern was, Todd threw his head back and let out a few restrained chuckles. “Of course”
Stopping for breath halfway up the stairs, Todd forcefully grabbed Paula’s hand. Paula stopped her climb and turned, smiling at Todd as he struggled to breathe… Todd tried to smile back between painful gasps for air, suddenly noticing a small piece of turkey stuck between Paula’s teeth…. Overcome with desire, Todd quickly embraced Paula, one hand reaching around her ample waist, the other threading his sausage like fingers through her curly, silver hair as he lunged in for a kiss- his tongue deftly darting between Paula’s supple ruby red lips, quickly absconding back with the piece of turkey firmly in cheek.
Paula, pulling back from Todd, lovingly patted his ample chest as she said, “Oh Todd… you’ve always known how to use your tongue…” Todd, grinding the piece of turkey between his back teeth, winked one of his beady eyes in response as he said, “What can I say? I’ve always been a sucker for white meat. Now, are you ready for some dessert?”
Paula giggled with delight and quickly headed back upstairs as Todd began giving chase… “I’ve come from your gravy boat! GRRRRAAAAGH!” Todd yelled while pretending to grab Paula’s ample derriere.
Stumbling and laughing together onto their king size Craftmatic, Paula lovingly pulled Todd’s glasses from his rotund melon shaped head. An air of sentimentality suddenly came over Paula, as she gazed into the eyes of her true love. “Do you remember when we met, Todd?”
“How could I forget?” he answered while adjusting his side of the bed into more of an incline, the motor giving off a strained whirring sound as it slowly lifted Todd to a 45 degree angle. “You were on Fox and Friends promoting your ‘Southern Halloween’ cookbook, and I was dressed in Black Face.”